Finding calm in my life has been difficult lately. I found myself feeling very peaceful and content a few weeks ago, but suddenly an uncomfortable wave of change happened. Attitudes changed rapidly and I found myself feeling as if I was spiraling. However, while feeling as though I was grasping for solid ground as my professional life was seemingly, and once more, swept from under my feet, I found I didn't need to grasp. I'm still standing. I'm still breathing. I'm still fine.
I've never been a fan of rapid change; the kind of change that disrupts your entire being. As I get older, though, I realize that I've gotten better at maintaining my composure. I haven't perfected it, but I've gotten better. Just four years ago, I'd have called my mother in a panic and manic depression that would do more damage than good. I'd have already burned all of the bridges and given in to my compulsive need to turn my inconveniences into a blame game. But that's not who I am anymore. I don't realize it until I'm through a situation, but I've been getting my shit together. It's a good feeling. I think my biggest accomplishment of late has been my creativity.
I was the type of person that would have to take month long breaks in times of heavy stress. I wouldn't write. I wouldn't produce. I would spend my free time taking naps and avoiding anything humans should be doing. I find that I can turn these elevated blood pressure moments into music or lyrics. I can turn my anxiety into projects and goals. For instance, last night I assumed that I would sleep today away because "I deserve a day of rest." Instead, I woke up after 8 hours of sleep and decided I was going to do some music business things, write a blog post, get started on some new music and possibly work on other projects in the works, etc. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll still probably fit a tiny nap in at some point. I'm not a monster.
I have had some very good moments since my last post. It was such a relaxing and easy (and exhausting) day. Cory and I went to Harrisburg to have Hallie time and got to see my mom for a little while. She, of course, gave us wine! I got to spend a WONDERFUL day at Hershey Park with the amazing people I mentioned earlier! I will be heading back to the Hanover location for work, which means less driving and more time for life things! And, as usual, I've been creating more music. I have a few instrumentals in the works, but I've also been having fun planning for my next Open Mic Night. As much as I want to continue promoting my first album, I also want to venture out and do some covers by artists I love!
I find myself drawn to Coldplay, Pink (or You+Me), Adele... you know. Just feeling things out and trying to see what artists and songs my voice can fit into. That being said, I'll end this post with 2 covers I recently recorded. I look forward to singing them live very soon!