One Year Later: I'm Still Super Bad at Blogging, but Great at Canceling Plans
What are the chances that I check on my website for the first time in ages, and it happened to be a year after my last post?!
So many things have happened since then! Let's see... about a year ago I started performing live, which I've been slacking on lately. I had my very first FULL concert at Harrisburg's Kipona Festival last Labor Day. I somehow turned 30, which I'm still a little bit in denial about. I'm now living with some of the funniest and caring people I've ever met. But, I think my favorite thing, and the memory I've been holding so tightly to was that I went on my first cruise with some of my favorite people in the world! I only got nauseous a handful of times. I got super tan. I got to eat some amazing food, and I got to connect with great people.
I've had some VERY high highs over the last year, but even with all of them I've found myself battling some intense bouts of depression. So, what do I do when those feelings come about? I stay in bed with my blackout curtains and binge watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Rick and Morty. It's called self-care, people! I've also been working on my new project, which has been an interesting journey in and of itself. I've found that testing myself lyrically and musically has been more healing than frustrating, as it has been in the past. I've been experimenting with new sounds and new approaches to writing. I feel like this album will show more vulnerability than my first. (How that's possible, I don't know, but it is.) There's a faster feel to the album as a whole, which I enjoy SO much. Some of the feedback from "DeepLove" was that some of the songs seemed to lag - not exactly lacking energy but felt more like a dirge.
When I first started this project, I was trying to think about a vibe I was going for. I wanted to channel a story that made people think of being on a road trip with the windows down and some carefree, honest, immersive music blowing through the speakers. In a sense, that's what I'm creating; something immersive, ethereal, and honest. But, in a slightly truer sense, I have fallen short of being carefree. If anything, this album is a battle cry compared to my first album, which stemmed from abandonment and resentment. Lyrically, this album exudes a message about fighting for a relationship that has so many positive aspects, even when the other person has checked out. What do you do when someone you think of as a soulmate stops saying they love or miss you, or even if you're doing okay? What do you do when you want affection, but their time is being spent doing absolutely anything else? Or worse, if they don't want your affection? Am I being selfish? Now that it's in the open, how do we move forward? What do you do after hearing promises and expectations, but have already seen such drastic changes that you're left disappointed? And the biggest question, what's best for us as individuals? And what, if anything, are we willing to sacrifice?
How, after all of those questions, am I going to make an album that isn't a drag? I guess you'll have to find out when I release it. I'll just say this: It's serving up some serious vibes you can bounce with. Crisper vocals and catchy melodies will get stuck in your head. The instrumentation alone will make you feel all of the things.
I'm aiming for a November release, just so I have to put a little more pressure on my lazy ass to keep going! I've also taken some positive steps in the last couple of weeks! I've been doing some at-home workouts and trying to not be a bloated whale. I've been taking my vitamins every day! I only missed twice haha. I haven't had a cigarette in almost a week. I haven't had a drink in almost a week, which, if I'm being honest, has made music making very boring (womp, womp). I've taken time out of my super busy life (ha!) to zone out and color, which has become one of my favorite pastimes. I've also been finding release at my job. Don't get me wrong. I hate most people, but my job has been making me feel complete lately. Steady income, social interaction, a healthy dose of customer service-based rage... So, although I may not feel okay sometimes, I'm doing okay. Plus, I get to have all of these stories about Baby Boomers acting like a gaggle of dicks all the time.
In conclusion, feel what you need to feel. Write what you need to write. If you love something, let it go. That shit's gonna hurt like a motherfucker, but if you have an outlet, you'll work through it. Strive to be better. Never stop changing and experimenting. But most importantly,
Get an early listen to the first single from my sophomore album "Drifting" right now!